Planning a Chinese funeral in advance

Why families plan ahead

When a death comes suddenly, a family has hours, not weeks, to make decisions that carry real weight: which rites to follow, whether to bury or cremate, which cemetery or columbarium, who to call at the temple or church, and how to pay for it. Children are often guessing at what their parents would have wanted, sometimes disagreeing with each other in the hardest week of their lives.

Pre-planning removes the guessing. Your wishes are recorded in writing, in the language you are most comfortable in, and kept on file with us. When the time comes, your family makes one phone call and we carry out what you asked for. Nothing is decided in a hurry, and nothing is left to argument.

In Chinese tradition, arranging one's affairs — even choosing a burial plot or a portrait — has long been seen as a mark of a full and orderly life, not a bad omen. Many elders find that once the conversation begins, it brings relief rather than fear.

What we record

A pre-planning meeting usually takes about an hour. We go through the choices that matter for a Chinese funeral and write down your answers. You can leave anything blank and change anything later.

• Rites and faith. Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, non-religious, or a blend — and the temple, church, monks, priests, or pastor you would like us to contact.
• The wake and the service. How many days, whether an overnight vigil is wanted, the portrait to be used, the clothing you wish to wear, and the customs your family follows.
• Burial or cremation. Your preference, the cemetery, columbarium, or temple where you wish to rest, and whether a plot or niche has already been purchased.
• Returning home. Whether you wish for your remains or ashes to be taken to China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, or elsewhere, and any family there we should coordinate with.
• Dates and observances. Whether your family consults the almanac (通勝／黃曆) for dates, and which later observances — 頭七, 七七, 百日, 對年 — you would like the family to keep.
• Language and people. The language you want arrangements made in, and who in the family should be called first.
• Payment. Whether you would like to set funds aside now, or simply leave your wishes on record for the family to fund later.

How it works

1. Call or write to us. We will arrange a time to meet at the funeral home, at your home, or by phone — in English or Chinese, and with your adult children present if you wish.
2. We talk it through. We explain every option and its cost, including the choices that are free. You decide at your own pace.
3. We write it down. You receive a copy of your plan, and we keep one on file. Your wishes stay private.
4. Change it any time. A plan is not a contract. Update it whenever your wishes or circumstances change.
5. Prepay only if you want to. If you choose to set money aside, we explain how prepaid funeral funds are protected under New Jersey law before you decide, and what happens if you move or change your mind.

For adult children arranging for a parent

Many of the families who come to us are sons and daughters who want to plan for an aging parent but do not know how to raise the subject. A few approaches that families tell us have worked:

• Begin with the practical rather than the personal — a question about the family plot, or about which temple grandmother went to, often opens the door.
• Frame it as filial duty: you want to honor them exactly the way they wish, and you cannot do that without asking.
• Invite them to visit the funeral home with you. Seeing a calm, familiar space, with a Chinese altar and people who speak their language, often changes how the conversation feels.
• Let us lead the meeting. Elders are often more comfortable answering a funeral director's questions than a child's.

If your parent lives in another state or country, we can still record their wishes and coordinate with a funeral home there.