Customs Guide
A guide to Chinese funeral customs
Chinese funeral traditions vary by region, by faith, and by family. Guangdong, Fujian, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and northern China each have their own practices, and Buddhist, Taoist, and Christian families observe differently. There is no single right way — and we follow your family's way. This guide explains the customs most families in our community share, for younger relatives and for guests who want to pay their respects properly.
Before the funeral
After a death, the family notifies relatives and, in many traditions, chooses the dates of the wake and funeral — sometimes with guidance from a monk, priest, or the almanac. The wake (守靈) is a vigil: family members keep watch beside their loved one, incense is kept burning, and an altar holds the portrait, candles, flowers, and offerings of fruit and food. Depending on the family, the wake may last one evening or several days.
Read the full guide: What to do when a loved one dies in New Jersey
What to wear
Guests should wear dark, subdued clothing — black, white, navy, or gray. Avoid red and other bright colors, which are associated with celebration. The immediate family may wear white, black, or traditional hemp (麻) garments and mourning armbands or pins; the funeral home provides these. One exception: when an elder passes at an advanced age after a full life (a 喜喪), the family may include touches of red or pink, and guests will be told.
White envelopes (帛金 / 白包)
Guests traditionally bring a cash gift in a white envelope to help the family with expenses, presented at the sign-in table when you arrive. Amounts are often odd numbers and modest; the gesture matters more than the sum. In return, many families give each guest a small token — a coin, a sweet, sometimes a handkerchief. By custom the coin should be spent and the sweet eaten before you return home; do not bring the token into your house.
Read the full guide: White envelopes (帛金 / 白包): how much to give and how to present it
Paying respects
When you approach the altar or casket, the customary gesture is to bow three times (三鞠躬) before the portrait. Some families also invite guests to offer incense (上香): light the sticks, hold them at chest height, bow, and place them in the urn. If you are unsure, follow the lead of the family or the funeral director — a sincere bow is always welcome and always appropriate. The family usually stands nearby to receive guests; a quiet nod or a few words of condolence to them is customary.
Read the full guide: How to pay respects at a Chinese funeral
Offerings and burning
Joss paper (金銀紙, sometimes called spirit money) and paper replicas of houses, cars, clothing, and everyday goods are burned so that the loved one is provided for in the next world. Food and fruit are placed on the altar as offerings. Guests are not expected to bring these; the family and funeral home prepare them.
Read the full guide: What happens at a Chinese Taoist funeral
The funeral ceremony and procession
The funeral itself (出殯) usually includes rites led by a monk, priest, or pastor, eulogies from family, and a final viewing (瞻仰遺容). By custom, family members turn away when the casket is closed. The procession to the cemetery or crematory is led by the hearse, with the eldest son or a close family member often carrying the portrait and incense. At the graveside, family members may each place a handful of soil or a flower. Some families observe a cleansing custom on returning home, such as washing hands with water and pomelo leaves.
Read the full guide: The funeral ceremony, procession, and burial
After the funeral
Mourning continues after the service. Many families observe 做七 — rites on every seventh day for forty-nine days — with special significance on the first (頭七) and last (尾七). The hundredth day (百日) and first anniversary (對年) are also marked, and each spring, at Qingming Festival (清明節), families visit the grave to sweep the tomb and make offerings. A shared meal for guests often follows the funeral itself.
Read the full guide: After the funeral: 做七, the hundredth day, and Qingming
Flowers and gifts
White or yellow chrysanthemums and white lilies are the traditional funeral flowers; avoid red flowers. Wreaths and standing arrangements often carry a couplet (輓聯) naming the sender. If you would like to send flowers, call us and we will coordinate delivery to the chapel. Some families prefer donations to a temple, church, or charity in the loved one's name; the obituary or the family will say so.
Read the full guide: Flowers, wreaths, and gifts for a Chinese funeral
If you are not Chinese, or new to these customs
You are welcome, and your presence means a great deal to the family. Wear dark clothing, sign the guest book, bring a white envelope if you wish, and bow before the portrait or simply follow the family's lead. When leaving, it is customary not to say "goodbye" or "see you again" (再見) — a quiet nod to the family is enough. And if you receive a small token on your way out, use it that day rather than taking it home.
Read the full guide: Attending a Chinese funeral when you are not Chinese
Guides in depth
Each guide answers one question in a few minutes of reading.
Customs and etiquette
What to wear to a Chinese funeral
Colors to choose and avoid, what the immediate family wears, and the one exception for a long, full life.
White envelopes (帛金 / 白包): how much to give and how to present it
What 帛金 is, typical amounts, why the numbers are odd, and what to do with the token you receive.
How to pay respects at a Chinese funeral
Arriving, bowing three times, offering incense, and the few words that are enough.
What happens at a Chinese Buddhist funeral
Chanting by monks or nuns, the altar and vegetarian offerings, and why the first 49 days matter.
What happens at a Chinese Taoist funeral
The Taoist priest's role, the rites of the wake, and the paper houses, cars, and money burned for the deceased.
The funeral ceremony, procession, and burial
The order of the funeral day: rites, eulogies, the final viewing, the procession, and the committal.
After the funeral: 做七, the hundredth day, and Qingming
The seventh-day rites, the hundredth day, the first anniversary, and the yearly visits to the grave.
Attending a Chinese funeral when you are not Chinese
A short guide for colleagues, neighbors, and friends who want to pay their respects properly.
Flowers, wreaths, and gifts for a Chinese funeral
The right flowers and colors, how wreaths and couplets work, and what to write on the ribbon.
What happens at a Chinese Christian funeral
The visitation, the service or Mass, which Chinese customs are kept, and what guests do.
Chinese condolence messages: what to say and what to write
Phrases for speaking to the family, for a card or message, and for a wreath ribbon, with pinyin and meanings.
Chinese funeral taboos and mourning customs
What guests and families traditionally avoid, where each custom comes from, and which ones still matter today.
Chinese funeral glossary
The words you will hear at a Chinese funeral, in Chinese and English with pinyin, explained in a sentence each.
For families making arrangements
How to write a Chinese obituary (訃聞)
What a traditional 訃聞 contains, the customary terms, and a simple bilingual format that works for families here.
What to do when a loved one dies in New Jersey
Who to call first, what happens at home or in a hospital, what to gather, and which decisions can wait.
Memorial date calculator: 頭七, the 49th day, the 100th day
Enter a date to see the seven seventh-day rites, the 100th day and the first anniversary, plus festival dates through 2031.
Whatever your family's traditions, we will help you honor them
And we will help your guests understand them. If you have a question about any custom — or about how to blend traditions across generations and faiths — call us. We are glad to explain.