Customs Guide
Chinese condolence messages: what to say and what to write
A few sincere words are all that custom asks for. These are the phrases Chinese families use most, with their pronunciation in Mandarin pinyin and what each one means, so that you can choose one that fits the person and the moment.
What to say in person
Keep it short. The family is receiving many guests, and a quiet sentence with a nod or a bow is exactly right.
| Chinese | Pinyin | Meaning and use |
|---|---|---|
| 節哀順變 | jié āi shùn biàn | “Restrain your grief and accept the change.” The standard phrase, suitable for anyone. |
| 請節哀 | qǐng jié āi | “Please restrain your grief.” A shorter form of the same wish. |
| 請保重 | qǐng bǎo zhòng | “Please take care of yourself.” Good when you leave, in place of goodbye. |
| 有什麼需要，請告訴我 | yǒu shénme xūyào, qǐng gàosu wǒ | “If you need anything, please tell me.” For a friend or colleague you know well. |
In English, “I am so sorry for your loss” is entirely appropriate. Avoid asking how the person died, and do not say “goodbye” or 再見 as you leave.
What to write in a card or message
Written condolences are a little more formal. One or two of these lines, followed by your name, make a complete message.
| Chinese | Pinyin | Meaning and use |
|---|---|---|
| 驚聞噩耗，深感哀痛 | jīng wén è hào, shēn gǎn āi tòng | “I was shocked to hear the sad news and feel deep sorrow.” A customary opening. |
| 謹致以最深切的慰問 | jǐn zhì yǐ zuì shēnqiè de wèiwèn | “With my deepest sympathy.” |
| 願逝者安息，生者堅強 | yuàn shìzhě ānxī, shēngzhě jiānqiáng | “May the departed rest in peace and the living find strength.” |
| 望您和家人節哀保重 | wàng nín hé jiārén jié āi bǎo zhòng | “I hope you and your family will restrain your grief and take care.” A customary closing. |
If you are writing in English to a Chinese colleague or friend, a plain, warm note is welcome. Mention one thing you remember or appreciated about the person if you knew them.
Phrases for a wreath or flower ribbon
Wreaths and standing baskets carry a short phrase honoring the deceased, with the sender’s name followed by 敬輓 (“respectfully offered”). Some phrases suit anyone; others are kept for a particular person.
| Chinese | Pinyin | Meaning and use |
|---|---|---|
| 音容宛在 | yīn róng wǎn zài | “Your voice and face remain with us.” Suitable for anyone. |
| 永遠懷念 | yǒngyuǎn huáiniàn | “Forever remembered.” Suitable for anyone. |
| 福壽全歸 | fú shòu quán guī | “Blessed with fortune and long life, now returned.” For an elder who lived a long, full life. |
| 德範長存 | dé fàn cháng cún | “An example of virtue that endures.” For a respected elder or teacher. |
| 駕鶴西歸 | jià hè xī guī | “Gone west riding a crane.” A traditional phrase for an elder. |
| 母儀足式 | mǔ yí zú shì | “A model of motherhood.” For a mother or grandmother. |
| 往生極樂 | wǎngshēng jílè | “Reborn in the Land of Bliss.” For a Buddhist family. |
| 安息主懷 | ānxī zhǔ huái | “At rest in the Lord.” For a Christian family. |
If you order flowers through us, we write the ribbons for you in Chinese, English, or both. Our guide to flowers and gifts explains colors and delivery.
Matching the phrase to the family’s faith
The most common mistake is a religious phrase that does not fit. 往生極樂 and 往生淨土 are Buddhist; 安息主懷 and 蒙主寵召 are Christian. If you are unsure of the family’s faith, choose a phrase that suits everyone, such as 音容宛在 or 永遠懷念, or simply write 節哀順變.
What to avoid
- Anything red: red envelopes, red ink, red cards. Use white, cream, or another plain color, and write in black or blue.
- Phrases for a long and full life, such as 福壽全歸, when the person died young.
- Cheerful sign-offs. Close with your name, or with 敬輓 on flowers and 敬上 in a letter.
- Questions about the cause of death, the inheritance, or the cost of the funeral.
Last reviewed October 2026 by Wah On Funeral Home.
Frequently asked questions
What does 節哀順變 mean?
It means “restrain your grief and accept the change.” It is the customary thing to say to a bereaved family in Chinese and is suitable for anyone, of any faith.
Can I write a condolence message to a Chinese family in English?
Yes. A sincere note in English is welcome. If you would like to add one Chinese phrase, 節哀順變 is always appropriate.
Why should I not say goodbye at a Chinese funeral?
Saying “see you again” at a funeral is thought to invite another funeral. A nod, or 請保重 (“please take care”), is used instead.
Whatever your family’s traditions, we will help you honor them
And we will help your guests understand them. If you have a question about any custom, or about how to blend traditions across generations and faiths, call us. We are glad to explain.