Chinese funeral taboos and mourning customs

The ones every guest should follow

• Do not wear red. Red is the color of weddings and the New Year. Dark or white clothing is right.
• Do not use a red envelope. A condolence gift goes in a plain white envelope, in an odd amount, and never an amount with a four in it.
• Do not say goodbye. “See you again” (再見) at a funeral suggests meeting at another one. A nod or “take care” is used instead.
• Do not take photographs of the deceased or the altar unless the family has said it is welcome.
• Do not bring the return token home. Spend the coin and eat the sweet the same day.

These five are widely shared, and observing them is a matter of courtesy whatever your own beliefs.

At the wake and the funeral

Several customs concern the moments around the casket. When the casket is sealed, the family turns away rather than watch. People whose zodiac sign is said to clash with the day may be asked to step aside at that moment and at the lowering of the casket; if the family follows this custom, the priest or an elder will say who. Tears should not fall on the deceased, and the casket is not touched by guests. Mirrors near the casket are sometimes covered, from a belief that seeing its reflection brings another death.

Pregnant women, infants, and children

By tradition, pregnant women and very young children do not attend funerals, or attend only the service and not the burial. The reasons given are protective: the occasion is thought to carry heavy energy that could affect a mother or child. Many families today leave the choice to the mother. If a pregnant relative attends, some families give her a red thread or a small piece of red cloth to carry. Guests are not expected to follow this custom unless the family asks.

Going home afterwards

Mourners traditionally cleanse themselves before entering their own home: washing hands and face in water with pomelo leaves, stepping over a small fire, or simply washing hands at the funeral home. Some go somewhere else first, such as a restaurant or a shop, so that sadness does not follow them home. Clothing worn to the funeral may be washed separately.

The mourning period

Customs in the weeks after the funeral vary more than any others. Depending on the family, these may be observed for forty-nine days, one hundred days, or a year:

• No weddings, birthday banquets, or New Year visits. Some families hold a planned wedding within one hundred days instead, so that it is not delayed for a year or more.
• No visiting other people’s homes during the first weeks, particularly at the New Year.
• No haircut for a set period, most often forty-nine days.
• No red clothing or decorations, and no red banners at the New Year following the death.
• A small black, white, or colored cloth pinned to the sleeve.

If you invite a grieving family to a celebration and they decline, this is why. Our guide to the days after the funeral explains the rites that mark the end of each period.

Gifts that are avoided

Clocks are never given, because “giving a clock” (送鐘) sounds like “attending a death” (送終). Sharp objects, handkerchiefs, and anything in a set of four are also avoided, and flowers for a funeral should not be red.

Keeping or setting aside a custom

Families often ask us whether they must follow a custom their grandparents kept. There is no single rule. Customs differ between Guangdong, Fujian, Taiwan, and the north; Christian families set many of them aside; and younger generations often keep the ones that honor the elder and let the others go. We explain what each custom means, and then follow what your family decides.

Last reviewed October 2026 by Wah On Funeral Home.